“

Hello! I'm USIDORE! I love rocks. 

I can feel the magical energies coursing through each one.

I also love birds! 

Birds SOARING MAJESTICALLY THROUGH THE AIR INSPIRE US ALL TO SUCCEED!

Take a gander (pun intended) at these beautiful galleries of birds and rocks that I was able to easily assemble USING SQUARESPACE!

”

Loot & Treasure

Thou dost desire to join Usidore upon his quest most assuredly. 'Tis a tale I hear oft.

HOWE'ER...it's just as likely that thou doth wish to adorn thyself in the finest garments inspired by HELLO FROM THE MAGIC TAVERN! I blame thee not.

The Vermillion Minotaur

HOW BRAVE ART THOU? DOST THOU HAVE THE INNER STRENGTH TO WEAR THE SHIRT OF THE MIGHTY MINOTAUR OF THE VERMILLION SHADE?

MAGIC TAVERN ON TOPATOCO

Offices & Bosses

FINALLY! You can wear not one, BUT TWO(!), teeing shirts from our favorite role-playing game, Offices and Bosses. GO TO PODSWAG.COM FOR A MYRIAD OF SPECTACULAR ITEMS!

PODSWAG.COM

More T-Garments

and OTHER ETHEREAL Ephemera...

Obtain t-shirts and other gear, including the WILDLY POPULAR USIDORE NAME T-SHIRT! But know that no one single tunic shall E'ER CONTAIN ALL MINE NAMES!

ANN ARBOR TEES

Science Tapestries

...or as they are known on Earth, posters. GET THEE TO THIS SITE of interwebbery to procure one for thineself.

NOW WITH A MAP OF FOON!

HELLO FROM THE MAGIC TAVERN POSTERS

Titles and Names

Names You Do Not Know...

This is a collection of the most powerful, delightful, and dangerous names by which I have e'er been known. The very thought of some of them could rend the flesh from your bone. I dare not think of what would happen to the knave foolish enough to utter one aloud.

I, Usidore, hereby accept no responsibility for

the emotional and physical distress one may experience by reading onward.

Speak these names at thine own peril!

Dorfsky
You know who calls me Dorfsky, bra? Only the largest of the big!

Papa Mâché
A fine name for a CRAFTERNOON!

Johann Sebastian Bacharach
...as I am known to the Gamblers of Chorroth.

Biscuit Meniscus
The bakers of Foon use this appellation to address me.

Phil Jacksonius
My protege Jamillious the Mauve calls me by this name.

Baggle Me Fingies (or Baggle Me Fingles)
Honestly, I kind of hate this name.

Solomander Pondu
A name by which I am known in the western reaches of Foon.

Dique Bisque
The name by which the gnomes of Foon do know me.

Pi Pi Poo
The most delicate and crumbly of names.

John Bastion
A valiant Marketing Manager in the game Offices and Bosses.

Stinklefeather Wizzlebeard
...as I am known to the poultry of Foon.

Susan Doku
My nom de plume when I transform into a woman and teach math at the University of Phoenix.

Soda Poppin' Daddy
A name so secret only Arnold knows it.

Mister Yuagi
A name for when I teach martial arts in order to secretly simultaneously teach you how to clean your home.

Frank Black
...or sometimes Black Francis.

Loosey Usi
How I love those Great Eagles!

Antony Dawnwalker
The vampires whisper this name in fear of my righteous smiting of creatures of the night!

Leverly B'Angelo
Chunt sometimes calls me this. I could not tell you why.

Rackloom
...as I am known to the Real Estate Agents of Foon. Cross them not!

Johnny Downstream
...as I am known to the blades of grass, but I can also scare them off with the name The Grassy One (watch the grass run)!

Brach Zaff
A name used once to write a play (unproduced).

Dale Sprinklesleeves
...as I am known to the wedding planners throughout Foon.

Robert Evans
I am known as a deep-voiced mover and shaker in the southern lands of Foon.

Hel'llacan'th'ethnth
A secret name known only to the Goblins.

Hank
I'm sure someone has called me Hank (and I used to check out library books under this name).

Rooorrrooorrrooo!
(abbreviated) The wolves sing this name to call Usidore to their aid.

Cyanmancer Thundercrust
The rainbow sprites do call me this name when I ASSIST THEM IN THE FORMATION OF RAINBOWS!

...and of course there are countless other names, you shall ne'er hear escape mine lips!

AND THOU 'TIS NOT POSSIBLE, YOU SHOULD ENTER TWATTERTON TO MENTION ANY SECRET NAMES MISSING FROM THIS UN-COMPREHENSIVE LIST.